Sometimes, a trip back into the past few years does my heart some good.
4 years ago, I was on a slippery slope of obesity.
I was emotionally bound up. It’s like my heart was constipated with all the crap I had yet to deal with.
I made a choice to change things. It was scary, it was hard, and it was totally confusing. I mean, how does one change the entire infrastructure of who they are inside?
Basically, here’s how I did it.
Every other idea in my life hadn’t worked up to that point. I couldn’t diet right, I was too fat to feel like exercising, and every emotional breakdown I had about my weight led me to a bag of oreos.
So I decided to try the one thing I had never done before.
Stop trusting my feelings.
Feelings lie, my body doesn’t understand what it’s capable of, and as long as I emotionally bullied myself into being too afraid to try anything new or hard, then I was going to stay stuck forever.
So I stopped listening to myself.
I stopped believing I was too broken to change.
One of my friends is in exactly that place right now. Feels too broken to change. Doesn’t feel they are worth the effort.
Sweet friend, NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT WHO YOU ARE TODAY, I want to tell you that you are worth the effort.
And I know. Because when you see that picture of me, the clothes don’t fit me anymore. BUT THE SHOES DO.
SEE? (I seriously need a pedicure…)
I know exactly how you feel today. Because the same shoes I have on today I wore back then. I walked that same path of feeling so insecure about who I was that I could barely function. Likewise, I also know 4 years down the road that things can change if you let them. If you let yourself.
Last night, I was talking to a lady about dealing with life when things are hard. And I said “You have to fight for that one moment of happiness and joy in your day amidst the turmoil. Everything else may be going wrong, but you CLING to that one moment that makes you smile. Then, you keep looking for the next moment like that. Pretty soon, you find that those moments of joy get closer and closer and the hard stuff becomes less crippling.”
And as I said it, I realized I had lived it but had never put it into words. (Which is weird, cause I talk a LOT.) But I needed to hear it too.
Right now I’m on the cusp of some really big changes again. Things might be falling into place at last. But it scares me to death.
Big changes trigger those old feelings- I’m not good enough to deserve good things.
So today, I’m in the same place I was 4 years ago, but with a different situation.
The fact of the matter is, I AM GOOD ENOUGH TO DESERVE GOOD THINGS. My feelings may say one thing, but the reality is others can see something special in me I’m too blind to see for myself. Once again, I’m going to have to ignore all the negativity I hear and fight for good things to happen in my life.
I’m going to have to cling to those moments that show me others believe in me more than I believe in myself.
Special friend struggling out there-
YOU ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR. YOU ARE WORTH GOOD THINGS. YOU DESERVE TOTAL HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU COULD EVER BE. I BELIEVE IN YOU. MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW, I BELIEVE IN YOU.
And I can say that because the clothes don’t fit but shoes still do. I know where you’ve been, and I see where you could go. Give yourself a chance. Really focus on making yourself a priority. Cause you are worth it.
YOU ARE WORTH IT.
And so am I.
Your blog amazes me once again. I read your blog operation shrink….and then added you to facebook and love your crafts and now im following this blog. Todays post totally hit home for me. I just found out that I have type two diabetes. It was a wake up call for me. I am not just a fat girl I am so much more. BUT I need to get out of that body so the other parts of me can really shine. I started off just changing what I eat and adding excercise. I posted on my blog about it even though its a blog for crafts. Hopefully 4 years from now Ill be in my same shoes but will look so different from the ankles up. Because we all deserve to be awesome! Thank you for inspiring me!
Is it egotistical that I assume you’re ALWAYS talking directly to me? But at the same time this post is about having little self esteem, but ego is the opposite and if I have an ego then I don’t have little self es . . . and oh I just went cross-eyed.
I love looking at your before photos, and you know why. Thanks for this post. ((hugs))
*sigh* I…(in a totally straight, I’m married kind of way) LOVE you! You are an amazing person who without a doubt ,could do anything! You are a rare find in a person and I’m so glad I’ve met you! I’m also glad you “took the high road” as you put it, because this post is very inspirational and just what I’ve needed!
IN TEARS!!! Thanks for posting. I needed to read this.
Wow! I got goosies reading this post…. of course, that’s my fail-proof gauge of determining how good something really is. Have I told you lately how awesome you are?!?
You already got my more indepth/largely unintelligible take on this…but yeah…you are all sorts of wow, with a heaping cup of awesome. <3
What ever fabulousness you are on the verge of…you deserve it and more! thank you for sharing yourself, all of yourself with us. It means a lot.
Hey Charlie-I stubbled across your blog on Pinterest. I liked your page on facebook. Tonight I read your blog and its eerie how similar we are. Although all scenarios of my life are not exact they are very similar. I’m on the upward hill to weight loss. Working on my 20 pds. I have lost close to 15, but not quite. I really needed a reminder (as I skipped the gym today
) Thank you for reminding me that “it can be done” and I do deserve it. I love how much better I feel even with those almost 15 and keeping it off for almost a year is awesome. Thank you for blogging your randomness. Im proud of you, keep kicking rumpess! <3 Cary
Charlie~My best friend & Mom died Christmas Eve. I literally have done nothing for three weeks. Nothing. I really needed to see this today. Thank you!
Wow! I recently pinned one of your pics of the painted washing machines & dryers on Pinterest and looked at it again tonight to share it with my daughter-in-love, and decided to click on your info… and I’m SO glad I did! I loved reading your blog! Thank you for sharing! I’m going to visit more often. What a gift of encouragement you have. Keep up the good work! God bless!